You found it! You have arrived at the elusive About section. This is the part of every website that no one ever reads! Every web design template includes this page. Every content provider writes something here. But in the history of the web, no one has ever actually read these words. Until now. Look at you.

The do-it-yourself website design sites will tell you, “Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest.” They continue, “If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.”

The thing is, no budding entrepreneur is going to spend time “reading the words back.” And the only voices in their heads are the ones that say, “You’re going to kill it with this new website! Look at you filling in the design templates like a boss!”

The template will include text suggestions like, “Be clear, be confident, and don’t overthink it.” Ha! As if! Maybe you could stop thinking about your new blog site for maybe one second. That would be a miracle. Don’t you do it! You need to stay awake nights thinking about it. Obsess on it. Watch ten more YouTube 10-way videos. “10 Things You Must Do…10 Things You Must Never Do…10 Rookie Moves…10 Pro Tips.” Watch them all. And read more books. Ha! Gotcha! Books. Pfft. No, no, no books. You need to Google more. Spend an hour with Chat GPT. “Which is better? SquareSpace or Wix or WordPress?” and if you dare, go to Bing and ask the same questions. (Keep in mind nobody has ever uttered the words, “I Binged it.” ) Then take a nap, and a(nother?) shot of tequila, and watch a(nother) episode of [insert name of pre-tech-era, brain-calming, retro-television show here*], clean out your inbox, fix a snack, see if anyone has commented on your comment on some lame troll’s comment. Ahhh. Time for bed. The web template can wait until you’ve had time to clarify your message. But if you can’t fall asleep, put your YouTube on autoplay and drift off to “10 Best Ways to Fall Asleep.”

But wait, there’s more: “The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now,” so say your guides to easy website building with editable pro-designed templates.

But the real truth in beauty is this: You could post naked pictures of your grandma here and no one is going to see them. So relax. You can literally do no wrong. Your website is today, and forever will be…invisible.

Now go browse those free stock images! Download some cool graphics. Think about a good slogan for a T-shirt. Yeah. Do that.

*I can recommend Columbo. Especially the one where Donald Pleasance plays a wine snob who spits a rare vintage port across the table in a fanchy-schmancy restaurant declaring it had been improperly stored and that’s how Columbo proves he <spoiler alert> killed his brother.